So I made it through the one-year. I am quite glad to have that over with and behind me. Yesterday was my mom and dad's 26-year anniversary. We keep thinking if we can just get through February, we should be alright.
I went to Curves to work out today. There are a couple of mom and daughter sets that come in to work out together. One of them involves a teenager; the other, a daughter who looks about my age. Today the mom and daughter who's my age came in and ended up working out on the stations right next to me and were chatting away easily about all kinds of things; you could tell they're really close. Then it sounded like they started talking about the daughter's upcoming wedding, and at that point, I just had to leave. Thank goodness I was at least almost done with my workout. I was teeming with jealousy and hurt. For whatever reason, I was SO hungry and all I could think about was Boston Market. So I went to eat by myself, which I fortunately mastered the art (or the courage) of a couple years ago. As I was in line to order, there was a couple behind me who were in a fight...the girl was on the verge of tears and the guy was being mean to her and kept saying, "Well, you can't just expect me to be a mindreader," which is true, but he was so mean to her about it. It couldn't help but make me even more thankful that I'm no longer in a marriage where I'm treated that way and spoken to like that and so grateful to have someone who is so kind and understanding. And then when I sat down to eat, there was this beautiful little girl a couple tables away from me. She looked about three or four, with light brown hair and huge blue eyes. We caught each other's eye at the same time at one point, and I smiled at her because I'm a sucker for little kids no matter where I am, and she beamed back at me the biggest smile. Then it became a game. She'd kind of hide from me a little behind her dad or grandparents who were with her and then peek around to see if I was still looking. We both kept smiling at each other and I started making faces at her, and then we both got so tickled at each other that we couldn't stop giggling. It cheered me right up. I told you! Kids are a cure for depression! :)
One thing I'm not so cheery about in the back of my head is the thought that my dad may remarry someday and the fact that the lady will probably have kids. I don't like it at all. For the sake of preserving my good mood tonight, I think I will save writing about it for later. Oh, wait, I can just paste in part of an email I already sent about it to a friend.
The main thing I'm struggling with right now is that my dad has apparently found someone he's interested in and she's interested in him...nothing has been acted upon and they're not dating, but the fact that they've discussed it worries me. I don't want him to be alone if he doesn't want to be. Eventually. And he understands how much the thought of him finding someone else infuriates me, because his own mom died when he was 17 and he had major problems when his dad remarried. Of COURSE him finding someone new is going to be hell for me to deal with...but there's also the fact that this woman has three kids of her own, and most likely anybody he ends up with will have kids of her own too. I'm an only child, and even though I was never spoiled by any means, I liked being the only child and I'm not ready to share that even though I'm 25 and her kids are all in their 20s too. I do NOT want to start having to celebrate holidays with new people, and I just flat out don't want to share my dad. We were never that close til after she died, and I've been waiting my whole life to be close to him...and suddenly I'm going to have to share him. There are so many emotions bundled up inside me about it. On one hand, she has been gone a year...but on the other hand, she has ONLY been gone a year. That's much too soon for me to even get used to the idea that he could remarry. They weren't even that happy together, and he deserves to find that with someone...but it's going to be an absolute nightmare for me to adjust to, especially when I see him do things for someone new that he wouldn't do for my mom. I think if he had died and my mom were ready to remarry, I'd probably be fine with it. But my mom was simply everything to me.
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