Some thoughts on life

I thought I would go ahead and post this on one of my "good days," since tomorrow I could very well not feel this way at all.  :)  But I think, deep down, this is how I really feel.

I'm taking the liberty to post my answer to my friend who asked:

whats the point of life... if we're all to die anyway?  regardless of the 100 years that we exist on this planet.... we are still going to end up in the same place.... so whats the point?

I think the point (or one of them) is to make the best use of whatever time we do have to connect with other people and help them see the good that still exists in the world in spite of the pain.  I don't think we are here by accident...even if I were not brought up to believe in God, I can't imagine ever believing that we were formed by coincidence from some slimy matter at the bottom of a pond...the human body and the world and everything in it are far too intricate, far too complicated and amazing, to have simply evolved that far, even over many years.  We have the capacity for love, kindness, intelligence, and complicated psychological workings going on inside our brains.  I don't think those things could have just happened because some atoms got together or exploded or however they say it happened.  So if we were created by someone, there must be a reason.  I think our job is to try and recognize what strengths and weaknesses we have and to understand ourselves in order that we might learn what our individual purposes are and recognize that we each have something to offer.  Even though we were created for a reason, there is bad in the world largely because we are not perfect and neither is the world we live in.  I cannot fully explain why there is disease, death, and suffering other than to say that those things teach us and maybe make us long for the world after this one where those things simply do not exist.  But while we may long for that place, while we are here, we have a responsibility to learn all that we can, help all those we can, and make the best use of this time that we can.  I think every person impacts every other person.  Like ripples in a pond.  I don't believe any man is an island, and I think if he tries to be and shuts people out to avoid getting hurt by losing them, he will find at the end of his life that he wasted it by never connecting.  I think we're here to help and to BE helped, to teach andto learn...it's a give and take because we all have something to offer and we all have things we need to glean from others.  Everything we do affects other lives, which in turn affects many, many other lives as the ripple keeps going.  Eventually these ripples may inspire someone to make history.  I really don't believe that "this" is all there is.  I have personally begun to believe in the possibility of reincarnation, which is something I never believed in before, but lately it makes a lot of sense to me.  But I absolutely believe in heaven either way.  Like I've said before, whether we live one lifetime or several, I think the chain of events we experience weaves together for a greater good, even if we cannot fully see it.  I think if people lived the same life forever and never died, we'd probably sit around and let time keep passing without ever really making an impact...generally, the less time people have to do something, the quicker it will get done and the less time will be wasted.  If we had all the time in the world to get things done in our lives, there would be no sense of urgency, no reason to try and make a difference in the NOW.

I know sometimes it feels impossible that you will ever truly smile or feel hope again.  But I also have a feeling there are several things and people in your life that still mean a great deal to you...hang onto the little moments in life...when your best friend encourages you or makes you laugh, when you see someone helping someone else, when something tastes really good, that feeling of just waking up after you slept really good, the smell of flowers, when a puppy licks your face.  Maybe it sounds too simplistic, but holding onto those little things grounds you and helps you remember that there are still many, many things to enjoy and experience in your life.  When you see those things, make note of them and let them sink in.  Though you feel now that you have no purpose and no direction in life, you have much to offer to the world through the people around you and the relationships you build.  Right now you are already making a difference in the lives of children whether you think so or not.  By caring for them, you are helping to shape them for the better.  Look at your beautiful little niece and remember that even though there is death in this world, there is also a promise of life and hope in every child.  Look at your interests and hobbies, things you used to enjoy doing before and maybe have lost the energy to do anymore...those things may give you a clue to ways in which you can find purpose and fulfillment.  Life is not pointless.  It just feels like it is because of what you're going through, but it's not.  Think of how very much your mom loves you and how she molded you and shaped your world...though her life was too short, was it pointless?  No way.  She played a part in creating her children, teaching them about life and how to love.  In turn, all of you will influence those around you mostly because of the things she instilled in you, and the people you influence will influence others.  I don't think every person has the same exact purpose in life, and I don't think anyone has just one purpose, but many.  I think honest joy and fulfillment are things that can really be attained and that people get them largely because they decide to and then they make choices that get them there, not just because it happens to them or because they're free from heartache (because no one is).  And while doing things is important, I also think many people become so obsessed with finding their purpose in life and DOING things that they forget to just live, to just BE, and end up floundering around.  I think when we try to do the best we can to love the people in our lives and use the resources we have, we end up finding our purposes naturally.

Just like you, I've felt many times that everything's pointless, like the old bumper sticker - "Life sucks, and then you die."  But deep down, I don't really think it's true.  It's just a matter of perspective.  A horrible tragedy has a way of taking your healthy perspective on life and twisting it up, stomping on it, and making it so unrecognizable that all you can see anymore is your pain.  That new perspective is inaccurate because your pain has skewed your thinking.  I'm trying to accept the fact that not everything in this world can be explained and that's just how it is.  We can't humanly explain everything because we don't have the ability to see far enough ahead or behind.  I think most things happen for a reason...whether every single thing happens for a reason, I can't say for sure.  But I believe there's a God who loves us very much and who has all the answers we don't even have the capacity of understanding or handling even if we knew them.

Whether you realize it or not, you influence me for the better.  Reading your emails is like looking in the mirror.  Your words give validity to all the things I've felt.  I think in general people just want to know that someone "gets" them.  Despite the really bad thing that brought us together, having people to relate to as we walk through it will get us through.

As an after-note, for all my talk about connecting with people and being there for them, I often find that I do a poor job of it.  Either I get busy or just wrapped up in my own pain or problems, and I don't feel like talking to anyone, don't feel like being around anyone.  I just want to be left alone.  And then a few days later I may have a spurt where I feel a desperate need to connect again and be around people.  I guess it's just part of the ebb and flow of life.  I also feel the greatest responsibility to stay connected with my immediate family and friends, and they have to take precedence, but I sometimes still feel guilty for the other really important people in my life that I neglect to stay in touch with.  I'm also pretty admittedly selfish with my time.  I need a lot of alone time and time just being at home to stay sane.  I hope I don't make anyone feel bad in the process.